either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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