textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
