Responsibility does not care about your dick.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
