Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
