Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
