I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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