he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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