Yo dont text me then not text me
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
