Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
