haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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