why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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