I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
