turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
