but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
