I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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