Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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