I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
