I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
