I smell stomach acid.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
