god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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