After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
