i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
She needs sedatives and a leash
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
