last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
