Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
send nudes
from the living room?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
