Your dad touched me again.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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