very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
