I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
