The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Two words: nipple clamps
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