when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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