Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
