I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
