Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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