why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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