After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
