Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
