he shaved USA in his pubs
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
