My room smells like vodka and shame
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
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4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
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A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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