I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
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I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
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he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger