Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
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shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
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Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default