I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
That was so not worth putting pants on for.