I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.