She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
