I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
