According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
