I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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