Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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