I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
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I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
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I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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