Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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