Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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