Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
