Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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