It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
