At least make sure they are 18
Why
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
