Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
We had to coat check the pizza.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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