How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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