she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad