sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I have already put on my inside pants.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial