She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
