I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
