I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
