Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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