i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
